POSITIVITY VERSUS NEGATIVITY

Shilpa Bhasin Mehra

We see legal files all around us with names like ABC Versus XYZ. In this article I plan to touch upon a rather sensitive topic of Positivity Versus Negativity. Positive thinking has more pros than cons for sure. It has become the success mantra of our times. All the gurus , Indian and Westerners, are promoting it and making it all sound so simple. We have a multi-million dollar industry catering to “feel good by thinking positive”. The concept has taken the shape of movies, books and courses – all are huge hits. Authors, life coaches, motivational speakers and well being experts have been drilling the importance of entertaining positive thoughts to enjoy a fulfilling life. It is no doubt, a great way of thinking.

But what is sad is when positive thinking tends to over-simplify life and its complexities, almost to the point of ridiculing its seriousness. Like the wisest of all political thinkers, Aristotle spoke of the Principle of Golden Mean, that is the kind of approach that needs to be taken when viewing and living life. If one only looks at the positive side, there is a strong chance of being over-optimistic and then falling down, and then being seriously dejected. Also one may not take the necessary precautions required, just because one is so positive. That is where balance is the key. Negative thinking gives us that levelling effect. It will make us weigh the pros and cons, make investigations, conduct deliberations, may be a bit of defensive thinking and prepare us for all eventualities taking into consideration the risks involved. Let's say, it forces us to take a judicious approach, just like the way our Courts pronounce judgments “taking into considerations, all the facts and circumstances of the case…”

We live in a world where we like everything instant- from Maggi Noodles to SMS to Blackberry. In sync with this eagerness for quick results, we are drawn to positive thinking courses and discourses (under various names) that come into limelight every now and then. But there is nothing known as quick Nirvana. It took saints years of meditation and penance to attain that level, but somehow we want it in 48 hours. There is nothing known as 100% right or 100%wrong, it is all relative. Life is not so simple to be black or white; there are a lot of grey areas. What is needed is positive thinking calibrated with thoughtful planning.

It is interesting to note, that some New Age psychologists are of the opinion that while it may be fine to seek motivation through positive thinking, it is advisable to undertake a reality check every now and then. It's a matter of checks and balance. A good dose of healthy pragmatism that allows us to see the glass half empty or half full, depending on the situation. There is nothing known as a “one size fits all” theory when it comes to our mental health. We need to respect people's different styles of thinking and coping with situations. We need to be flexible in our thinking, instead of just being wedded to one concept, because of the changing demands of everyday life. There is no point in using positive affirmations to blindly sweep your true feelings under the carpet.

To illustrate my point, I want to share with you this real life story. There was this lady who for years made positive affirmations about her child who was on a wheel chair. She would imagine her child running around and playing just like the other children. But when after years of positive affirmation she found that her daughter was still on a wheel chair, she was very depressed. She then gathered herself and took a reality check of the situation and started to think of the best options for her daughter. Today, the same child is a news reporter with the CNN (still on her wheelchair), thanks to the pragmatic thinking of her mother.

For the legal fraternity, a judicious approach is the very essence of the system. The concept of due diligence is also illustrative of this judicious approach. Just imagine if the lawyers go before the judges with an over-optimistic attitude and without doing their due research and preparations, they would obviously lose the case. The lawyers have to be positive when they take a matter in their hands, but at the same time, they must take all the necessary measures to ensure that they do their best to win the case for their clients. In the same vein, the clients have to be realistic too about their cases.

So, the next time you feel depressed, don't blindly use positive affirmations that might leave you feeling cheated. Instead take a reality check to cope better with life.