Dealing with Criticism

Shilpa Bhasin Mehra

We often heard the phrase, “that is like hitting below the belt”. It doesn't mean a bodily blow obviously. It is a way of saying how hurtful your words were. In two simple words, “Criticism hurts”. Nobody likes to be criticized, but unfortunately, it is something that is bound to happen to us one time or the other. Few of us respond positively or with detachment, but a majority gets offended and keeps it in their system until it leads to unnecessary suffering. Dealing with criticism is an important life skill and through it, we have the opportunity to learn and improve ourselves.

Here are some tips to help you deal with criticism:

• Respond to the suggestions, not the tone of the criticism. People may make valuable suggestions, but in a rather offensive manner. Their tone and manner of suggestion may appear confrontational, and unfortunately, that is what we respond to rather than to the suggestion they are giving. It's like a lotus in a pool of muddy water. Just take the lotus and discard/disregard the muddy water. Detach your emotions from the useful suggestions that may lie underneath.

• Value criticism. Today we live in a world of artificial sweeteners and false praise, where flattery is the norm of the day to get you anywhere. Criticism becomes hard to swallow, even if it is constructive. The basic problem is that we do not value criticism because we only value praise. We are pleased when people speak kind words, but miserable when they criticize. But criticism can be constructive, and we can gain and improve ourselves by it. A wise man said, “If I get irritated by every rub, how will I ever get polished.”

• Don't take it personally. This is the major problem which occurs with regard to criticism. When people criticize us directly, we should feel they are not criticizing us as a person but only an aspect of ourselves. It could be a particular assignment we did, our behaviour on some occasion or an inappropriate comment.

Just imagine if our parents and teachers only praised us, what lessons would we have learnt. The whole purpose of training and apprenticeship in the legal profession and in many other fields is to learn from our seniors. Their criticism can only help to sharpen our skills and improve our standard of work and should be taken only in that perspective. If we get offended by every comment that doesn't please us, I don't think we can learn much.

• Ignore incorrect criticism. Sometimes we are criticized for no reason or justification and this can be painful. In cases like this, ignoring and remaining aloof seems to be the best course of action. If we remain silent and detached then the criticism is given no energy and it withers away into nothing. But if we somehow fight it, we are giving it more importance than it deserves. Maintain a dignity that others will come to respect.

• Don't react immediately. Responding too quickly because of feelings of anger or injured pride may leave us in regret. Wait patiently and you will be able to rationalize and reflect in a calmer way. Simple mental exercise like count to 10 or a few deep breaths, help us to calm down and respond in a composed manner.

• SMILE! Smiling, even if it is a fake one, can help us to relax. It creates a more positive vibe and cools down the most volatile of situations. I haven't heard of any harm caused by smiling, it can only help. And if smiling actually aggravates the other person, then you have scored a brownie point, without even uttering a word. Here please distinguish between a smirk and a smile.

It is like sieving a grain of wheat from the chaff. Just take the good and leave the nonsense behind. Don't burden yourself with hurtful words and expressions that tend to linger on in our minds and keep hurting us. We are so selective when we read an extensive menu in a restaurant. We choose the most suitable dish for ourselves. So when a person is criticizing you, just take the good pointer (if there is one) and ignore the rest.

I also believe that if we all correct ourselves first, there will be little left in the world to criticize. Just like beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, criticism also lies in the same eyes. It is up to us to praise or to criticize and it is also up to us how to take them both in our stride.